Well its going to be hard not to make this blog 4,000 words long but I will try my best to sum up my experiences at Eat Rite last night.
So after a night of hanging out, my friends and I worked up an appetite and decided to venture off and have a late night snack at the local Eat Rite in South County. It was around 2:00 a.m. when we stepped foot into the Eat Rite, it was packed with 25 people all of which included: Drunks, Old Perverts, A guy trying to sell belts and jean jackets, a couple on a laptop for some reason, and two 60 year old women cooking who don't take any shit.
I came in expecting eggs and some friendly conversation, and I left with an hour of pure comedy. We all sit down and begin to ponder over what to order, as we are doing this our first acquaintance approaches the table, leans down, and spits in Justin's eye while whispering into Kayla's ear. He is old, really old, wearing a top hat with a rough beard, and a jacket that smells like the floor of a bowling ally. He walks off leaving our table in awe and we all share a few laughs. (Except Justin because the spit in his eye might cause him permeant blindness.)
One of the scary old menopausal woman approaches me with a pad of paper,
"Whaddaya want,"
"Uhhh, does the one egg thing come with toast, or a biscuit?"
"Da hofn go,"
"Oh I guess I will have toast,"
"Ba herma do,"
"Toast...I'll just have toast with it,"
"HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR EGGS DONE!"
After shitting in my pants I reply, "Uhhh. sunny. side. up..."
Meanwhile, the jute box is serenading us while Robert says anything he wants, Theresa tells Robert, "You need your mouth washed out with soap!"
Eating a slinger Robert pulls his head up swiftly and replies, "O really Theresa, I already did that with Chili." Thus making no sense, we all laugh heavily.
Now the large group of 20-30 year old drunk people finish their meal. One individual by the name of Robert (Ironic), is so drunk that he comes off as heavily retarded, not an easy feat to accomplish. Robert begins walking toward our table with a really weird smile and when he would stare directly at you for some reason it never looked like he was looking at you. As he started wandering around the small diner his friends continuously yelled out,
"Come her Robert,"
"Rob,"
"ROBERT!"
"Robert,"
"Come on Robert,"
"Lets go Robert."
To which our Robert would reply every time, "WHAT," "YEA," WHHAAT"
We are nearing the end of our meal and the old bowling ally smelling man returns to grace us with his ability to tell jokes, his repertoire of jokes were something like this:
"Hey yall know whata ninety year old woman tastes like..."
"Yall hear about the Jew who was allergic to pickles..."
"Why cantcha get a good suck off in bosnia..." Popping his dentures out at us, and many many more.
After he leaves again to return to his meal we all discuss, "What the fuck is going on?!"
As we are discussing this Drunk Robert is walking behind the counter to hug the two menopausal women, tip them heavily, and receive multiple kisses from the two women.
Now the old man returns, this time trying to sell us belts and jean jackets. Thereby proving to us how eccentric he truly is. Im not sure where the belts and jackets came from or why he is doing it so I try not to touch him or his merchandise.
Drunk Robert and his posse leave, and now we head up to the counter to pay our dues and get out of the Eat Rite Mental Institution. As we are paying at the register, our Robert makes sure he posts on all of our Facebook walls via iPhone, Justin is pissed off about the price, and I watch myself in the security camera TV for awhile.
We walk out the doors, I laugh and think to myself, "Goddammit I'm eating here tomorrow."
