Saturday Night

Saturday night...I suppose I will consume a substantial amount of beer and make some mediocre decisions.

Yep, found this comment on a Kid Cudi Video.

Thanks DreamyTheKid for that advice.

Old Story

Welp, I thought today I would dig this story out of the archives for all you bastards that read this thing.

It was Sophmore year of highschool, winter time, after school, about two days after a heavy snowfall, and just four kids who never did their homework so they didn't have shit to do after school. Those kids were Pat (Driver), Justin (Shotgun), Larry (Back seat behind Pat), and me (Back seat behind Justin). We starting off throwing snow balls at people on foot around school but that got old, so we all piled in to Pat's car which at the time was a vintage Isuzu Trooper, also know as the "Troop Deluxe." After that we decided to make a series or very good decisions.

Good Decisions:

1. Take the umbrella Pat had in his trunk, fill it with snow, and place it in the back seat so we all can access this, "snow on the go."
2. "Lets throw snowballs at Marco!" (Marco was our mexican friend in highschool, or should I say our amigo.)
3. "Let's throw snowballs at random people walking!"

So we pull up next to these two 30 year old women jogging, Larry launches a snowball and it hits right next to them on the ground, we all laugh and carry on with our afternoon. About 30 minutes later we are about to pull into to our school and we notice the same two women jogging, we slow down to throw a ball of snow at them but before we get to do so one of the women runs out into the street with a stick in her hand, she attempts to throw it at the car, it hits the ground five feet in front of her, marking this moment the funniest thing ever. We all get out and go home with smiles, thinking back on such a fantastic day.

Exactly 3 months and 8 days later Pat arrives at school at 7:40 a.m. and parks his Trooper on the street, as he walks into school he notices a woman running up to his car, she runs up, kicks it, and then runs away.

It was the exact same woman from 3 months prior.

In other words, its 4:38 p.m. I haven't showered in over 24 hours, I'm on my third movie of the day, and I'm not sure if I have eaten anything yet.

Nyquil

Due to the common cold I was dealing with yesterday, I decided to go to the local drug store and pick up some good old fashion over-the-counter drugs to assist me in this time of need. As I browsed the isles I saw hundreds of cold and flu medicines. Dimetapp...no, Sudafed...no, Viagra..no, and then I saw it, that navy blue box glowing from afar down the isle...Nyquil. The drug of all drugs, this will forsure alleviate the common cough and cold. So I purchased Nyquil along with its synonym/antonym Dayquil. I eagerly raced back to my room and I prepared to take the recommended dosage with hopes to put an end to this nonsense. I tore open the box took out two of the gell caps, tossed them in my mouth, took a swig of apple juice, and washed them right down my esophagus...

Next thing I can remember was that I put in a movie, brushed my teethe, and got into bed... Fast forward 7 hours and the next thing I know I'm naked in a Denny's Parking lot at 5:30 a.m. with syrup on my balls, a sausage link up my ass, scarfing down a "Grand-Slam" breakfast.

I never realized how strong that medicine actually is, it's dam near 11:00 in the morning right now and I still can't keep my eyes open, I practically had to do a line of coke just to get out of bed, I don't think coffee will even keep me up today I think I have to step it up today...meth. The back of the package says it has sedatives in it which is basically doctor for horse tranquilizers. I really think that if you took the Nyquil gel caps one day and then went out for a jog and hour later, you would collapse mid-jog and begin to sleep in that exact spot.

So if you happen to have a common cold and forcing yourself into a coma is the only solution, then choose Nyquil cause it always does the trick.

Kanye, more like Kangay

Dear Kanye West,

The title of this blog is "Kanye, more like Kangay" because your gay. I used to like you like 2 months ago, unfortunatly now you are a fucking Douche bag. Why don't you and Lady Gaga hang out, wear some type of meat/poultry together, and move to the North Pole and live in a hole so no one ever has to see or hear anymore of your horse shit pupblisity stunts. I hope one day I can bump into you so I can break a chair over your head.

Sincerely,

Steve.

PS, I bet if that white angel woman moved from on top of you in that painting it would reveal your minuscule penis that is hard to see with the naked eye.

Going Overboard

Many people think that Adam Sandler's best movie was Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison, but those people obviously haven't seen Going Over Board.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/12177/going-overboard?c=Comedy

Del Taco

Last night I ate Del Taco, and just a second ago I took a shit.

This was my order from Del Taco:
6. 39 cent tacos
1. Bean and Cheese burrito

Eating that and then pooping it out and flushing it down the toilet is basically like taking the plastic rings that hold a six pack together and throwing them away without cutting them.

Because there is a chance a small animal might stumble upon one of them in the environment and it will probably cause the animal to die.

Animal Farts

Ah the joys of immaturity.

The Big Leaf Chug

Big Leaf

Yes, this is the leaf, a video about it will soon be on youtube I will have the link up tomorrow niggies.

This is my 100th Blog motha fuckas

My question for you...Which hole is an asses ass hole?

Just watch it.

Piss

Today as I was returning from class, I had to take a piss very bad. Ironically, this was the exact time of the day when the cleaning lady cleans the boys bathrooms on our floor. I rush all the way to the bathroom downstairs throw my books on the floor, and begin running in place to hold my pee in as I try to get the door locked. I finally start trying to undue my belt and as I do this I sneeze very hard, thus causing me to partially piss in my pants. I didn't open the flood gates for the whole time, but they were open for about a 2-mississippi. Basically, I needed new underwear, but my kakis were ok.

Pissing your pants is terrible when you are a freshman in college, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that I was in the bathroom about to piss when I did it I was so close to completing my mission, thats like running the entire boston marathon but right before the finish line you trip and break both of your legs. Nothing like good old fashion failure.

The Bieb is not who he says he is...

Justin Bieber Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile

Thank you theonion.com for making me piss in my pants.

My Dream Last Night

So, in my dream my friends and I decided to go to taco bell after school. Before entering taco bell I decided that I want to change out of my school shorts in the parking lot. As I begin to pull down my kaki shorts I accidentally pull down my underwear as well, which, for all you idiots out there means that I am only wearing a shirt. Everyone in the taco bell sees me through the window and also sees my penis and balls as I wrestle to pull my shorts and boxers up on my waist where they belong. After about 54 seconds pass by I finally pull my shorts up to conceal my privates, later my friends tell me that everyone in the taco bell was talking about how they saw me naked.

We leave taco bell and decide to go out, somehow we end up on a golf course (you know in dreams how you walk out of your bedroom door and and up in a Sam's Club or something, well thats how I ended up on a golf course) So as we are at this golf course and something causes me to fall over on the tee box with laughter. As I roll over to my back I notice that a woman is standing over me, "Sir, are you Steve?"

"Yea,"

"Well I'm an under cover cop and you are under arrest for indecent exposure outside of a taco bell."

She handcuffs me and takes me to her police vehicle, "So what happens now that I am being arrested for this thing."

"You will have to serve at the bare minimum 90 days in jail if you are lucky, but most likely it will be 180 days."

Im about to shit my pants, and in the dream I think to myself, "Fuck I hope to god this is just a dream." The cop takes me to my parents and I begin talking to them, they are eerily calm about the situation.

Then I woke up.

Mikey's Drinking Game

So with a water bottle full of alcohol, and not a lot of time, Mikey asks Tony to play a drinking game with him. If you are familiar with my blog Mikey is not yet in full "Concert Mikey" mode, but he is definitely well on his way there. He decides to create a game and improvise the rules as he goes, these are the rules Mikey comes up with before the game:

1. Ok I start with the bottle

2. First person to drop the bottle has to drink.

Immediately after Mikey explains the ground rules to Tony, he launches the water bottle at Tony's head and tells him that "He has to drink."

I guess the vodka in the bottle is supposed to numb the injuries from getting hit in the head by a full water bottle.

poopin

poo

Lending Money

We all have done it, it always sucks. It's really interesting sometimes when we lend money to our friends, because they will be willing to pay us back with nearly anything but money. Like I have let a buddy of mine borrow five dollars before, and I swear if the bastard thinks that he has something that is almost equal to that amount of money then he is under the impression that he can just use that to pay me back.

I'll be like "Ryan do you got that five bucks you owe me,"

"Yea dude you can just have this Hocus Pocus VHS and we will call it even."

How about no we won't call it even because I gave you five dollars not fucking Hocus Pocus on VHS, I don't even think I have a VCR to play this anyway.

Or I'll say "Hey can I get that five dollars now or what?"

"No dude I only owe you four because I gave you a bite of my McChicken last week."

It doesn't work like that at all, and even if it did a bite of a McChicken would be worth like 8 cents not a fuckin dollar.

Or the ever popular:

"Hey can I get that money you owe me?"

"No man, I gave you like two rides home this week."

I hate this excuse the most If I gave you two rides last week (which I did) then that cancels out the two rides that you gave me, it has no effect at all on the money you owe me.

Basically this happens for about 7 months, I will never get my five dollars again, and I will like my friend less.