Celery

Top Ten Reasons Why I Fucking Hate Celery

1. It's terrible
2. It kind of tastes like scotch tape.
3. It feels like I am trying to chew a length of hemp when I eat it.
4. If you combine it with peanut butter and raisins it's called "Ants on a Log" for god sakes.
5. Celery is negative calories, (you burn calories eating it) so if you eat it you gain nothing.
6. People commonly associate it with healthy eating.
7. It's like eating solid water, and do I like my water really chewy?...fuck no.
8. Adding Celery to something will never make it better.
9. I have never in my life heard someone say, "Goddammit we forgot to add the Celery, this is terrible without it."
10. The noises it makes when people eat it.