It was a chilly evening game at Busch Stadium when my cousin and I stumbled into our seats early in the first inning. What appeared to be just an ordinary spring Cardinals game would eventually turn out to be something of the marvelous. After we settle in with some various concession stand purchases, next thing you know we are talking to the gentleman on our right (Randy) about the cardinals, food, etc.
The Kiss Cam is a highly celebrated segment of the Cardinals game, as a joke my cousin leans over to his right towards Randy and Randy's gal jokingly saying, "Ay I don't about you guys but I think you two love birds might make it on the Kiss Cam tonight." To Randy, this was not a joke, as soon as my cousin had finished his sentence Randy's face turned to stone, "I sure as hell hope not!" Randy announced. "Then my wife would see me here with her, she's at home with my eight kids, I told her I was going out golfing." At this point I didn't know what was more ridiculous that Randy had eight kids, that he was blatantly cheating on his wife at the worst place to cheat on your wife at, or that he told his wife he was going golfing at night at she believed it. The next 2 hours consisted of Randy talking about his sexual escapades with his mistress while she is sitting right next to him surprisingly content with him telling their tales from the bedroom, Randy asking my cousin and I advice on his current marriage, "Do you think I should leave her?" and showing us pictures of the deer that he shot during the previous deer season.
"No Randy don't leave you're wife and kids Randy."- My cousin and I
The last pitch was thrown and we talked to Randy about how we need to get together and golf sometime and shoot the shit, we didn't take his number down and we didn't give him ours.
I'm not sure where Randy is right now but chances are he is probably at Hidden Valley "Skiing," at least thats what his wife thinks, but instead Randy is most likely handcuffed to a bed frame somewhere with his pants down at his ankles doing things that might not be legal in the United States.
What's that? Did the Cardinals win?...I couldn't tell you.
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