Old Man Costume.

During a casual discussion with my friends the other day, we began talking about eighty year old men and that besides the fact that death is very close it would be kind of cool to be eighty because you could get away with so much.

Things I would do if I was eighty:

• Steal anything that could fit in my pocket.
• Wear shorts that expose the bottom half of my sack.
• Harass the youth.
• During the summer months I would go shirtless.
• Start smoking cigarettes.
• Only shop with a motorized cart.
• Through fruit at cars.
• Rip ass in pubic.
• Steal the neighborhood kid's bikes.
• Use the middle finger 100 times more that I did in my past.

I have become so envious of old guys that I am currently saving my money to buy a top-notch old man costume similar to the one Johnny Knoxville uses on Jackass. If I had that costume I could throw it on once or twice a month and buy beer and alcohol for all of my friends with without any questions asked. I would never get carded at any gas station or bar, and I could get into casinos and strip clubs. If anyone asked for my ID I would just tell them, "Fuck you I'm eighty," and I'm sure they would let me right in.

Also I could get a ton of sexy senior citizens...