Sim Jim?

I don't even know where to start on this one... how about the name.

Slim Jim

1. Sounds a lot like a nick name that a man named Jim would name his penis, only this is a salty spicy eatable meat penis.
2. It actually sounds like a pimp name, "Whats good Slim Jimmmm!" Only this pimp doesn't offer to give you the company of his hoes for a price, instead this Slim Jim gives you diarrhea and bad breath.
3. If you abbreviate the name to SJ and say, "Hey man give me one of those SJ's" it sounds too much like a crude sexual act..an SJ. Perhaps getting an SJ is some sort of oral sex act involving an actual Slim Jim. Maybe "Snap into a Slim Jim" has some correlation to getting an SJ, like "Awww yeaa baby snap into that Slim Jimmm." I think Slim Jim's hoes might have been the first ones to give customers SJ's...this has gone on way to long.

I have had several Slim Jim's throughout my life so I already know that I probably wont make it into my seventies, and a few on them were the giant Slim Jim's so right now I'm hoping I'm lucky enough to see my fifties.

• Maybe the name is Slim Jim because the first man to eat the beaf stick was named Jim and after he ate it he got deathly ill and when the doctor saw him he was like, "Well, your chances of living are very very Slim Jim."

You can actually buy Slim Jim's that have cheese in each wrapper, they are called Mild Beef 'N Cheese Sticks...no comment.

Slim Jim's are so awful that they have to dare you to eat them now. Slim Jim recently launced a new line of Slim Jim's called, "Slim Jim DARE."

This is not a joke, that is a real image, check out the slogan on that banner..."Your brain thinks it's meat. Your mouth thinks it's the apocalypse." This couldn't be more accurate your brain thinks it's meat, it isn't fucking meat your brain just thinks it is. I think they really should change the second sentence from "Your mouth thinks it's the apocalypse." to: "Your bowels think it's the apocalypse." Just to refresh our memory the apocalypse can be defined as:

• the complete final destruction of the world, esp. as described in the biblical book of Revelation.
• an event involving destruction or damage on an awesome or catastrophic scale.

Yep, that sounds about right. Introducing Slim Jim Dare, "YOUR BRAIN THINKS IT'S MEAT. YOUR BOWELS THINK IT'S THE APOCALYPSE."

Randy Savage also known as the Macho Man, passed away earlier this month in a car accident. Officials suspect he had a heart attack while driving, the Macho Man was a very popular spokesman for Slim Jim in the mid-to-late 1990s. I think we all know who to blame for this terrible occurrence.

...GODDAMN YOU SLIM JIM!!!