~April 30, 2006 - July 19, 2010...Robert Drives 2,364 times with over a .23 BAC (Blood Alcohol Content), he does so flawlessly, obeying every Missouri Traffic law, and without danger.
July 19, 2010, Robert's car gets to know Chelsea's very well.
This is my account of what happened
- We arrive at Robert's basement at around 9:10 p.m. all is well, everything carries on like any other night, he hates Josh, Jack, and any one else who touches the stereo.
- Robert proceeds to drink very heavily, an unbalanced mixture of Popov Vodka and Sunny Delight. (Basically 87% Popov 13% Sunny Delight). This goes on for a couple hours.
- Robert+Popov+Sunny Delight+15 Kool Cigarettes= The "Tight, get out of my basement," Robert.
- I step out back with my friend Jack, and we begin seeing our friends coming out of the basement one after another. We ask "Where are you guys going?" They reply, "Robert is getting pissed and kicking everyone out of his basement." (This usually happens, but we stay most of the time. Not tonight)
- Pretty soon the backyard is now the new location for the party, and Robert follows suit by kicking everyone out of the backyard in style.
- So the party is now in the ally, and we are all making small talk on what to do next when Robert pulls out of his garage in a haste fashion. Brian comments, "Well it was nice knowing Robert, he's going to wreck his car tonight."
- About two minutes pass by then all of the sudden, we are distracted from our conversations by an over-revved car engine, this is Robert.
- Next thing I know I see a car flash by at about 35 miles per hour (It's Robert backing up to tell us "Tight, get the fuck out of my ally!" or "O really guys, like get out of my ally.")
- Instead we just hear/see him rear-end Chelsea's car at 35 miles per hour. It lifted her back car tires up off the ground, and made her car rear-end the car in-front of her. hahahahahhahhahahahahahahaha
- Chelsea yells,"THATS MY FUCKING CAR ROBERT!"
- For some reason I start running.
- As I am running away I look back only to see Robert turning around and heading towards us.
- Everyone is running. Josh yells to me, "RUN STEVE, RUN HES COMING BACK."
- I thought Robert fell into some kind of Drunk induced rage, and was going to drive up on the lawns and begin mowing down his friends with his Pontiac, so I ran.
- But he didn't.
- It was an accident, and surprisingly his car only had minimal scratches, and Chelsea's suffered little to no damage.
We then all looked up into the camera with our hands up, embracing Robert, smiling saying, "Oh, Robert." The screen zoomed into a tiny dot around just Robert's smiling face and that was the end of that sit-com episode.
Note: Chelsea, Robert told me to say he's very sorry.
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